Lost In Beauty-

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

today was an omg n sigh dae..kept sayin omg in e mornin yet kept sighin at late mornin til i reach hm.
i was so worried wit maths..omg..it's so hard llaa~!
next i had my lit test..
i was stuck at Q3a..it says why frankenstein leaped over e monster..
oka;practically i had no idea why..so i wrote craps..
then to e last section;unseen poem.
well it's abt a schoolgirl writin abt how she realli celebrates father's n mother's day..
i did cried a bit wen i came across e last Q..
not bcos of e poem..
jus remindin n tinkin wad Father's Day realli is lik.
when i was young,i wasnt realli bothered to find out hu n wad my dad is.
mayb it's bcos i was in gal's sch..
but at e age of 11,i started gettin curious..as many forms requires informations about mom AND DAD.
i often felt ashamed of not havin a dad by my side..
if im not wrong,they were divorced at e yr i was born..wad can i do?
babies does not haf memories.
i don even kno how my father look lik..
he nvr visited us..not even once..
all i oni kno is tat the women,my gramma n mom,are in charge of the house..rather den the men as my grandpa past awae earlier b4 i kno..excludin uncles,e onii men/guys in e family tat are older den me is my 2 bros..tats all..
i watched shows tat fathers cud abuse their children,rape or wad so ever..
i used to console myself tat mayb my father is those abusive type.
chi bu dao pu tao,shuo pu tao suan..
so i stopped all tis n bury myself wit my frens,tv shows,games n even by goin out..
i had nvr told anione in pri sku as im afraid i wil be left out.
until i realise one of my klassmates' father had past awae,same as me,fatherless.
so i told her abt it..
i hate cryin.but donno why last yr cried alot.
cryin wil onii make me remember all sad stuff..even it doesn got to do anithing wit wad im realli cryin for.
stupid crybaby..
so e first person whu found out i cried was eunice.
then;i realised im turnin more n more emotional as i grow up.
i hardly cry in pri sku if im not wrong.
i used to be e strong one;who encourages,consoles,give others a listenin ear,jokes,laugh abt,n bein optimistic..
im not sayin ive became pessimistic now..jus tat not as crazy as before.
now,i kno wad is attitude n bein serious.
bad grades do shocked me..i tink too highly of myself.
i do wanna n gotta pick myself up..but wher do i start? 4get it..jus move along ..

so after exam i go macs wit glynis,eli,wj,tj,chuan hui n minghui.den kz n zy came along.
dii daa dee~ oka;we finished our eatin n roamed around.wait for sandx,return bk,blarhhs..
den needa go hm liaos.
so we walked by mrt pathway.
we saw jun kai tat bunch of boys in mrt station too..
suddenly i heard a mixture of screams n shouts behind..
it was e guy from sku[i shall call him guyA] whu got "prob" de.
den chuan hui dey all walked straight to another exit while i walked left n tapped my ez link.
jun kai tat bunch were in dere too..n wen takin e escalator down,jun kai ran up on another side of escalator,john,if im not wrong, said "don plae liao la"
so not long tat guyA[scream n shout one] came down too.. i kno cos he was while shoutin,while comin down..
i felt a lil tense sumhow.
den eventually i realised he was actualli cryin..
as at e platform is sumhow lik an enclosed area,wen guyA shout,it wil be very loud..
so he shouted a few times..it was scary.
den the green man[staff from SBStransit] came n "console" him,tellin him not to cry..but a few times guyA pushed him awae n started shoutin agn continuously.
a passer-by asked jun kai to call e sku..n repeated askin him..
jun kai don haf e number..so i tink e passer-by gave up.
den in train,he went to e right end..while i was jus on e fifth exit's 2seater seat.
he screamed agn..a few times.n tis few times,an auntie at my left side,sittin on e other side of e exit,kept lookin..very kaypo..
sengkang..i alighted,tat kaypo auntie oso,same goes to guyA..i not realli sure jun kai tat bunch got alight anot.
so as i walked to e escalator,i turned 90degrees back n i saw 2green men,one overweight de pointed at guyA..so i heck care.looked front,kaypo auntie in front of me,guyA behind me.
den kaypo auntie turned back n looked at guyA,i was kinda mad n had e urge of sayin,"auntie,don look oredi la.later he scream in front of ur stupid face den u kno.."
but i tink agn..mayb its a lil harsh to both parties..[kp auntie n guyA]
so my lips are sealed ..
den yada yada,i walked back hm..stil worried of my history.....

the beauty exposed ;